Free writing… I sat down for about 15 minutes and wrote down what ever came into my mind. This is the outcome… be prepared to be confused…
Start Here
I’m reminded of English class back-in-the-day when the teacher would tell us to write. I didn’t know what I wanted to write about back then either. I just knew I wanted it to be creative and impressive enough to get the teachers attention. Hmm… getting an authority figures attention; that seems like a common theme in my life. First with my parents, then my teachers and now my managers (and critics).
I do music. Translation, I rap. I think I’m pretty good but I still seek approval from my friends, family, and potential business partners to validate what I’m saying on the record or how it sounds. I especially seek approval from my cousin Vain. He’s been rapping way before I started rapping seriously and I think he’s far superior with his skills. I look to him for approval, I wonder if he looks to anyone to aspire to; not anyone crazy famous but just anyone that we know that he looks up to. I don’t know.
When thinking of others that I look up to, I think of my cousin Henry. He’s my technology influence pretty and much the reason I’m doing what I’m doing now, professionally. I look to him for approval when dealing with anything technology oriented…
Hmm… this is crazy… “this” meaning life. I am on, what they call in the east, “the pathless path”, “enlightenment” or “spiritual awakening” etc etc. It’s a journey that doesn’t take you anywhere, but allows you to acknowledge that fact that you are already there now. So it’s a journey to get to the here and now and stay there for as long as possible. I don’t think I’m there yet, which is a contradiction of terms because I am here now. It’s confusing, I know, but that’s what it is…
I write and I like to write. I like creating intricate lyrics that describe my journey to nowhere. I see things differently, I think, and I’d like to share my view with the world. A little recognition (and money) doesn’t hurt either. I like money, it’s a form a power. I read that in the world that we live to day, the most evolved people can control their environment and the people in it. In this world those with money has that control. That is a fact to some extent. It’s a form of external power, that which can be gained, lost and handed down from generation to generation, which is great. The problem is that external power doesn’t necessarily leave you feeling fulfilled.
So how do we achieve fulfillment? I don’t know. When do I feel the most fulfilled? I feel the most fulfilled in the moment, when I’m doing something that I enjoy. I think back to when I used to play football. That time is probably the most in the moment I’ve ever felt. You have no choice. Wasting time thinking to much about any action can get you seriously injured. So I didn’t think much while I played, I just took action.There was no time for thought at all.
Fast forward to now, when do i do that? I enjoy recording but I wouldn’t say I’m completely in the moment, maybe for short intervals while I am recording. A lot of the times I think about how my shit will sound to other people. I like listening to something that I know I hit on the head in all aspects, that brings me joy.
I like music. I like listening to music that makes my skin crawl or makes the hairs on my skin stand up. Right now, the song that does that for me is Run this Town by Jay-z Rihanna and Kanye. It’s pretty dope. When it comes on I have to play it loudly to get the full effect. That song may make it to my top ten songs of all time (btw I haven’t finished making the list).
But anyways, I’m so far gone. I’m feeling that dude Drake he may look silly but you can’t help but like most of his music. I feel like he’s missing something, I don’t know what it is. I wonder what I’m missing? That’s a good question, “What am I missing?” That is a question you throw out to the universe and pay attention, so that when the answer comes you can receive it. I need to focus so I wont miss it.
Ambition is kinda crazy, I like to achieve things but soon after I achieve one thing I have another thing to achieve. My ambition doesn’t equal satisfaction, so what does? That’s another good question, “What equals satisfaction?” I may have mentioned it earlier and completely missed it.
I’ve been rhyming since I was 11
and will continue to rhyme until I die. My music is music for the mind, music for the heart, and music for the soul. It’s music for me. It’s therapy, it’s self realization, it’s being able to step outside ... 