An article I posted a couple of weeks ago seemed to turn a lot of heads. I guess I hit a hot topic or something. What ever the case may be, I’m going to continue where I left off… sort of. The post was about how difficult it is for women to find a good man. I think Cassandra made a very accurate comment. But another commenter said something like…
… I treated all my exes like a KING. However, when I did, they took it for granted. So, then guys will think you are smothering them.
This made think of what her real problem may be, giving too much too fast. This is something that both men and women have to deal with. I responded with…
….I feel that a relationship has to do with give and take. You’re saying that you are doing a lot of giving and the fellas aren’t appreciating it. I could see that happening if you give too much too fast. A person will not feel anything for something that they didn’t work for. You got to let them work for that inch before you give them that mile.
The next obvious question is… “So Rey, how do you do that?” That’s a good question. I’m happy you asked. I can answer that with the phrase, “Face value don’t mean sh*t in my house.” I’ll explain with this example. A gold dollar coin is nothing more than a shiny yellow metal (not gold). It’s supposed to be a dollar’s worth of gold but it worthless. When you see it (brand new) it’s very attractive but with further investigation (maybe some research) you’ll find that it’s not what it seems. What I’m trying to say with this long winded metaphor is that when you meet someone new shouldn’t put so much value in them unless you’ve verified that they are the “glittery gold” that you seek. Until then, give an inch here and there and save the mile* until you know that they have committed to being with you.
*That “mile” could represent anything. I think of it as emotional investment, but to you it could be sex, drugs, or alcohol. You have to define that for yourself.
Oh, before I forget, please comment. I'd like to know your thoughts.
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6 responses so far ↓
1 Cassandra // Feb 25, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Rey, well said and thanks for the shout!!
I think people are so much in a rush to be in a relationship that they forget that it is OK to get to know someone.
If it takes a year, two or maybe three before you walk down the aisle, it is OK.
My mom always told me that you should not love a man more than he loves you. Women tend to give more at the beginning instead of give a little here and a little there.
2 Chantal // Feb 26, 2008 at 3:23 am
Ay, my friend.. I need recognition lol. I guess you didnt want to put ME on blast as if they didnt go back to that comment to see who wrote it lol :-). However, I am happy that you did another post due to my thought. Wow, I make you think lol…
Ok back to the my comment.
I mean Im not saying I gave him the world in the beginning. Puh-lease. I made him wait. And now Im learning a lot to make a guy wait and I believe the next guy that I talk to, will be waiting for a LONG time before he actually know that I care. Actually I do that now and guys think I am a bitch. But if they know me, Im the KINDEST person ever but Im not showing any emotions. So is this wrong or is there a way to go about this?
Wait, this is somewhwat seeming tooooo much like an advice guide lol.
But no seriously, am I wrong for not showing that I care? I mean I know the theory is if the person is the right one or if they can tolerate what you are doing, then they will make it in the long run. But Im sorry, Im 21, I believe its just THAT time to meet Mr Right and not Mr. Right Now. Although, I am waiting because I am about to GRADUATE and getting into the real world and its going to be REAL hectic by the end of the year but still I want to meet someone that I can chill with and make me happy.
And I STRONGLY believe that the best time to find a mate or someone would have to be DURING college. Just for the fact that I watch Oprah and she had a show where the lady met someone at work, they hit it off HOWEVER he was ready to stab her to death. And that had me wonder, if I meet someone in the real corporate America world, I will NEVER know that guy and his whole family life. Granted that the guy that you meet in college isnt psycho but still like if you meet him in college, at least you will know his family. You will get to meet them and see how he live as oppose to someone that you met at work and they live on their own. You never know how the person truly is and how they interact with their family and their friends.
However, communication is the key with anyone that is in a relationship whether it is intimate or friendship. And girls shouldnt wear their heart on their sleeves because it will only lead to disappointment.
3 Cassandra // Feb 26, 2008 at 11:34 am
Chantal, there is a very thin line and not showing that you care gives a guy the impression you are a b*tch. Now on the flip side of this, if you are showing that you care too much, a guy will run over you.
A little voice will tell you if you are dishing out too much/little, learn to listen and trust it.
4 rey // Feb 26, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Anytime Cassie… I give credit where it’s due…
And yea there is a thin line Chantal… I wouldn’t know how to describe it … but it’s the same situation for guys….
I just listen to John Legend and “take it slow”
5 MINA // Jul 11, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Okay, I agree with most of what everyone has said, but I also know that I am someone who likes to sleep with a guy that I am majorly attracted to. It can be a little difficult to wait for a long time and never let things get to that point for fear of what he might think. In all honesty, I just go with the flow. I have found myself to be a lot happier while doing so, instead of thinking am i giving too much, too little, enough etc. I hope and believe that the right guy I would like to be with will be able to atleast understand I’m not a whore, just someone who is confident in myself and who likes to enjoy life (safely ofcourse). And with that being said, if he’s right for me, that won’t detract him from seeing a little something more in me that we both would like to explore in a reationship.
6 rey // Jul 19, 2008 at 11:20 am
being a “whore” means different things to different people, it really is based on opinion
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