I just read an article which describe married women who are disturbed by their husbands’ private wrist exercise practices. This is my commentary on the matter.
First of all, LOL, this shit is funny. I’m sorry, I had to get that out of my system (no pun intended). I actually posed a similar question to my gf a couple of months ago. And this ties into my gripes about the way society views cheating. The question I posed was, “Are men cheating when they go to strip clubs?”
It may be considered cheating because naked or half naked women are parading around to simulate arousal in a man’s pants, while simultaneously putting cash in their pants (or thongs or … you get the picture). Sexual arousal occurs when the brain thinks the body will soon participate in sexual activity. At this point the guy is “up” and the brain thinks sexual engagement will soon occur. So this guy is imagining (consciously or subconsciously) sexual activity with the parading women around him. Is this cheating?
Let’s take it a step further. In most of these clubs laps dances are employed for further arousal (and cash). Some men (I’ve heard) actually soil their trousers while being entertained by such measures, although no actual penetration has occurred. Ejaculation occurs at the climax of sexual arousal. In this case, the brain cannot tell the difference between a lap dance and actual sexual intercourse; if it could, neither arousal nor ejaculation would occur. Now, can this be considered cheating?
If we take it one step further, we get to the topic of discussion, “Is masturbation cheating?” Scrap the strip club situation and let’s look at a hypothetical situation with Bob. Bob’s wife is (or was) a thick light-skinned woman with a fat ass, slim waist, and big breast and he’s had her every way imaginable. Today Bob wants a chocolate lover with beautiful dark skin and with petite build. He could A) find a chocolate lover for the day and cheat on his wife or B) pick up the DVD “Dark Chocolate Honeys 5″ at his local adult novelty store (or boot-legger) and spend some quality time with himself.
In either situation Bob’s brain is satisfied with the results: going through motions of sexual intercourse with a dark-skinned petite woman. Most would agree that option B is more acceptable than option A. I argue that both the situations should be judged equally, either acceptable or not. I say this in my attempt to sharpen the blurred lines of what is and isn’t cheating. Is it penetration or ejaculation? Is it thought or action? Or is it emotional reoccurring involvement with any of the above? You tell me.
Oh, before I forget, please comment. I'd like to know your thoughts.
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14 responses so far ↓
1 Deana // Sep 8, 2008 at 6:36 pm
This is a simple one…. I would not consider masturbation to be cheating b/c the man/woman is not involved physically w/ anyone else. Yes maybe in his mind he/she is, but no one is there w/ him/her engaging in any sexual activity. People must really not have anything better to nag their man/ woman about if they are discussing masturbating, just let it happen.
2 rey // Sep 9, 2008 at 8:41 am
I see your point, but what about a strip club?
3 Deana // Sep 9, 2008 at 7:40 pm
As far as the strip club, as long as there is no touching I don’t see a problem. I see your point where you went in depth about the sexual arousal that comes from the lap dance. But I feel as long as no penetration is involved it is not cheating. Also we all know that there could be touching involved, but I do feel that is crossing the line.
4 Siobhan // Sep 23, 2008 at 4:07 am
What is cheating? The definition is different for each person.
I personally find the strip club entertaining and love laughing at all the people in there. Is that cheating to me? No…though if you are REALLY hardcore about it I might think you’re a lame because all the strippers I know will tell you they don’t want that person, just their money.
Masturbation…NOT CHEATING…entertaining to watch but not cheating. The article should ask the women if it’s cheating when they masturbate.
My only issue is the article talks about guys masturbating to online porn. If it’s free fine BUT if you are paying for said porn that is a foul. It could be my student loan repaying soul scrimping money but that is just wrong. It’s the same reason I would hit any of my friends that had the audacity to waste money throwing it in the air or “making it rain” in the club. (Strip clubs are different because they are providing a service).
beautiful kisses
Siobhan
5 Tips Paradise Blog // Sep 28, 2008 at 1:21 pm
YES!!! Cheating on yourself rather than cheating your feelings.
6 Ax // Dec 13, 2008 at 4:30 am
This is interesting…in the case you described the guy could use porn in order to avoid cheating on his girlfriend/wife. this would be a better outcome. And no, this isnt cheating. Especially considering male genes. Our genes are programmed to fck many women. its science.
7 froggertv // Jan 22, 2009 at 4:20 am
I would rather consider it a a natural phenomenon and is not cheating. Its utilization of resources. Lol
8 kookimebux // Feb 1, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Hello. And Bye.
9 Adam & Eve, Sex Toys // Oct 7, 2009 at 3:15 pm
You make some interesting points comparing strip club attendance, masturbating, and infidelity. They are definitely not easy questions to answer.
10 UF Gator Tebow // Jan 17, 2010 at 5:52 am
What happens if you have a wet dream? Perhaps you are forgetting about a crucial causation agent: the intetional aspect of fantization. Even if this is the case, can you fault a guy for getting to excited about his coach?
11 bz // Mar 5, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Is it cheating - No. But, you could make an argument that if masturbation causes you to deny your wife or husband sex it could still be a bad thing for a marriage.
12 aaron // May 31, 2010 at 10:46 am
BZ has a very good point. Masturbating in and of itself is not cheating and is not bad for a marriage. But some guys have a limit to how often they can ejaculate, and so if this means there will only be rare sex in the marriage, then he should keep this in mind. Maybe self-stimulation without climax.
13 mikeh // Jul 17, 2010 at 9:01 am
Ok, listen girls.
What is it with women and the porn? You complain even though it’s NOT a problem. Stop it! You broads have some self-esteem issues, you know that?
Let me get this straight, D. He only beats off when you aren’t home, and his desire for you is in no way eclipsed by porn. You two still have sex on a regular basis. Porn is nothing but a masturbation aid. Get over it. We’re not cheating on you.
WHERE’S THE ADDICTION?!
If what you described is a legitimate porn addiction, then the majority of the male population (myself included) should really get into some sort of Masturbators Anonymous program. I seriously doubt your boyfriend even thinks he’s “addicted” to porn. He probably just said that to shift the blame off of himself, thinking it’d shut you up if it was “uncontrollable”, unaware that it would only cause more trouble by making you think he has a problem. Damn, this guy just can’t win.
You want to know to know what to do? Ok. Here’s my suggestion. Shut up and love yourself more. Porn makes you sad? Someone get me a violin. How about you try realizing your own worth as a person instead of taking the fact that your man finds other women attractive(SHOCK!) to be some sort of personal put-down. Just because we’re with you doesn’t mean our dicks are turned off. I don’t get why some women act as they have to be the sole source of visual stimulation for their man. It just isn’t realistic. Believe it or not, it is possible to find more than one person attractive and on different levels. Stop trying to control our thoughts for God’s sake. If we aren’t cheating on you(and porn is NOT cheating), then get some therapy or stop your whining. If we really preferred porn stars that much, why would we be dating you? Porn stars would be a hot dating commodity wouldn’t they? As far as I know…they aren’t. So I’m guessing your guy isn’t going to be running off with the next Jenna Jameson wannabe anytime soon. Calm the f*** down. If some girl seriously threatened to leave me because I happen to masturbate once in a while, I would laugh at her and tell her to go ahead. I wouldn’t want to wait around to see what other nutty problems she pulls out of the hat.
Listen, guys like a bit of variety in their wankage. You’re taking the pornstar thing a little too personally. Even if he was banging a pornstar instead of being with you, I’d be willing to bet my left testicle that he wouldn’t be whacking it to pictures of the girl as well. He’s doing her. Why does he need pictures of her too? What sense does that make? That’s like me playing Halo on Xbox, but for some inexplicable reason looking at Halo screenshots in a magazine as well when I’m not at home playing. That’s stupid. I want to see pictures of what other games are out…and that doesn’t mean that I’m going to necessarily buy the games either. Get the picture?
People don’t have a right to take up with someone and then start making demands. Relationships are about both people - not one dictating how the other should behave, think, or feel. Men don’t compare the women we meet in everyday life to the ones we see in porn or make up in our heads. They’re two completely different worlds. Porn simply isn’t real, and we know that. It’s the same as watching any other movie. I liked “Spider-Man 2″, but I didn’t get depressed after seeing it because I can’t climb walls or shoot webs. There’s really no mystical secret to it. It doesn’t matter how hot you are. Guys (in general) like looking at other chicks and watching other people get it on.
It’s also about fantasy. But fantasy is more than just other women. It can be about certain fetishes or scenarios. Sometimes I watch fat chick porn. Sometimes I watch mature porn. Sometimes I watch tranny porn or even porn involving animals. Doesn’t mean I actually want a fat chick, old woman or a tranny or an horse!?. It’s just a way of exploring a certain fetish or whatever. Fantasy is not reality.
You really need to understand this. Just because a guy looks at porn and/or even fantasizes about someone else doesn’t mean he is less attracted to you or loves you less. It’s pretty common and normal sexual behavior for most men.
If a woman’s first reaction to finding out her SO is looking at porn is, “omg, I’m not enough for him?!” That’s not a healthy reaction. The fact that she is shocked means she doesn’t know this is pretty normal and common behavior for most men. She needs to at least understand that to help bridge this gap between them. Insecurity sucks, I know. I used to be pretty insecure about myself, too. But She needs to develop some self-esteem so she doesn’t feel threatened like this
‘’i mean.. for gods sake if a guy is with a woman, maybe even loves her, she should be the sexiest woman just because he knows and loves her.. so why does he need porn? eh.’’
For the same reason a guy doesn’t stop looking at other cars once he’s bought himself a Honda.
‘’You need to understand that men, summarily, do not look at women the same way women look at themselves, or at each other’’
My ex used to do this. She’d complain that if I looked at her too much, I’d start finding all these “flaws” in her. Or I’d take pictures of her that I thought were really cute and she thought looked ugly. I always told her that I wished she could just see herself the way I saw her. I don’t think she ever did.
How does she compared to porn women (expecially the fancy porn)? Not even close. But guess what? What I love about her is the little dimples she gets on her cheeks when she smiles, and the way she shurgs her shoulders up when she claps her hand when something cool happens, and much, much more. I’ve been broken up with her since 2003, we’ve both moved on, but NO ONE will ever replace her, no porn women, no movie stars, not even my future girlfriends. She is who she is, and will deserve a special spot in my heart till the day I die.
Now tell me how will some fake-boobed porn chick in a DVD that I will never meet compete against that?
So while your Men is deeply in love with you, and adore the little funny things you do that are not even close to being sexy or attractive, you are ripping into him for some stupid porn.
Anyway, I doubt a few internet posts will change anyone’s mind. People tend to decide issues based on emotions and then retrofit reasoning to it (both men and women do this). The only thing I have to say is to understand yourself, if you’re not okay with porn, find a guy that also isn’t okay with porn. Compatibility is very important, and it starts with an understanding of yourself.
14 Mour // Aug 7, 2010 at 3:20 am
Well the way I seet it, is that it is all in the mind. Say someone is being loud on the bus and it’s annoying you. Now it’s not smart to just go there and tell them to shut the fuck up or slap them in the face. However maybe you thought about it alrready, you imaged that situation. Does that mean you are an agressive person that just goes off and beats everybody? I doubt that.
With that example I believe that when you masturbate you release tension or explore other posiblities and it has nothing to do with making love. So I don’t consider it cheating because I have never found myself actually saying I love you to a porn video.
On the other hand I belive going to strip clubs can count 1/2 o on cheating because other girls are touching you in a sexual way + you are wasting your money pshhh. It all depends on what your girlfriend thinks. Maybe is better to have a talk with them rather than just telling them they have low self esteem. If you really care for the girl then maybe try doing it less often ( I don’t think is possible to stop) but try getting your mind off it and of course be sweet to your gf and shell be sweet to you(wink)
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