The Graduate

Once upon a time I spoke about what love is with a couple of my friends. I feel that my definition would be better appreciated if I explained what love isn’t. Here it goes…

• Love isn’t a reason to be miserable for the rest of your life
• Love isn’t a reason to be beaten physically, emotionally, or spiritual
• It isn’t a reason to stay in a horrible relationship
• It isn’t something you have to prove
• It isn’t something that HAS to be said
• It isn’t the be all end all of what life is about
• It isn’t a liability
• It doesn’t mean you have to compromise your good judgment
• It doesn’t mean you have to give up your freedoms
• Love does not solve all problem…

Please let me know if you disagree.

A couple of weeks ago I had the experience of being sober in the club. It’s been so long that it felt like a new experience. For the first time, in a long time, I realized that the club scene if full of whackness. The women are desperate and the men are lame. It’s ridiculous.

First you have the dudes that stand around on the dance floor just watching the women dance. Their lame ass don’t have the balls to go right up to them and start dancing. They probably scared that she gon’ play them out. I just move those lame dudes out the way and get my dance on. And if she try to stunt like I ain’t the hottest cat in there I move on to next lucky lady. (lol)

Most of the women in the club have an aura of desperation about them. They all up in the club with their tightest most revealing outfits attracting all the wrong characters. Because I was sober, I was able to pay attention to them as they anxiously waited to be approached. Most of the time lames would just holla. The more lames that approach, the worst them desperate women felt about themselves. You could always tell who these women are. Most of the time they at the bar with their arms crossed holding their handbag, waiting for their friend to finish dancing so they could leave.

I find it funny and sad but more funny. Not all of the ladies in the club are desperate and not all of the fellas in there are lame, just enough, though, for me to generalize.

So I’ve been tagged by Talulazoeapple in a MEME. This is actually the first time so I’m happy to participate…

Six Things

The rules are that I’m supposed to answer the questions about myself. I then at the tag 5-6 people at the end of the post and then go on their blogs to leave a comment, letting them know they have been tagged so they can respond also. Here are the questions:

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?: In of May 1998, I was deciding on a high school to go to. Yea I’m young but age aint nothing but a number.

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order): Get organized, buy burgundy paint, phone interview, unpack my car, relax

3) Snacks I enjoy: snickers, Doritos Nacho Cheese,

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire: Nothing

5) Places I have lived: NY, NJ, ATL

6) Jobs I have had: bus boy, sales associate, info arch intern,

7) peeps I want to know more about -

Nerd With Swag
Poppa Was A Pimp
Simply Dreaming

“They say a midget standin on the giant’s shoulder can see much
further than the giant…” Jay-Z, Blueprint 2, Hovi Baby

Dwarfs standing on the shoulders of giants is a Western metaphor meaning “One who develops future intellectual pursuits by understanding the research and works created by notable thinkers of the past”; a contemporary interpretation (Wikipedia).

I graduated (again) last week (May 3rd) from a prestigious university in the South (non-HBCU sorry :-/). I can sum up my past 2 years with two words: endurance and support. It was three words but I lost my motivation after the first semester and thought about quiting after my second.

Now I stand as a young graduate on the shoulders of giants. The giants I refer to are those who’ve come before me intellectually and spiritually. The people in my life who’ve shaped my character. The authors of the books I’ve read (non academic) and the artists of the music I listen. I stand on top of their shoulders to see and reach for a new plateau, to write my name on the walls of history, to achieve the impossible.

I have big dreams. The past couple of months I’ve been shooting for a million. Now I got to step my game up and shoot for a billion. Holla at me!

OK once again… As much as this topic has been discuss there is always something to add, some new opinion or position from a different perspective. I came at it from a couple of different angles in the past… but now I have yet another position, well… two positions.

1) People cheat (men and women) because they are getting something else where that they do not get at home. It may be that they aren’t asking for it or don’t feel right asking for it but the fact still remains that they (the cheater) is not completely satisfied. People are inherently selfish.

2) Is cheating morally wrong? No, it actually makes sense for guys to have multiple sex partners. Why, you ask?… Subconsciously we crave sex because it increases our chance of reproductive success. Men are capable of having over 1000 children in their life time. Women on the other hand are limited to about 25 pregnancies. So in order for a man to maximize his reproductive success he needs to have a large number of sex partners.

Number two is an interesting perspective… and you can’t really argue it. Well… I’d like you to try

Have you been a victim of the foot in the door influence technique? People are unknowingly subject to this form of influence every day by friends, family and the like. I am going to describe what it looks like and why it works so that you (and I) will never fall for it again. [Read more →]

If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won before you have started.
~Marcus Tullius Cicero

“If you don’t believe in yourself, why would anyone else believe in you?” These were the words of my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Easton. I use those words as a guide to keep me on track with what ever situation I approach. In this instance I use it to be more attractive to women. Most women will agree that a man with confidence is much more appealing than a man without. Here in lies the problem, how do you gain that confidence.
[Read more →]

I’m a critic. Every now and then I see something that I don’t like in the world and criticize the shit out of it. The problem with me is that I’m a lazy critic. I’ll talk shit ’till I’m blue in the face, playing devil’s advocate, but I won’t do shit about it. I just hope to inspire another to take meaningful action. I should be a teacher. Nah I can’t. I don’t care enough to try to control children’s thoughts. I’d rather let them think freely, enlighten them with a few ideas and let them decide to agree or not. I’m also a cynic with to little time on his hands to watch the news or pick up a paper to be pushed information to. I’d rather pull the information from different source on the Internet and come to my own conclusions. Maybe when I begin my 9 official hours (12 actual hours) a day bid at work I’ll become too preoccupied with meaningless mind numbing work that will have to read the papers and watch the news and trust them as my only source of what’s going on these days.

An article I posted a couple of weeks ago seemed to turn a lot of heads. I guess I hit a hot topic or something. What ever the case may be, I’m going to continue where I left off… sort of. The post was about how difficult it is for women to find a good man. I think Cassandra made a very accurate comment. But another commenter said something like…

… I treated all my exes like a KING. However, when I did, they took it for granted. So, then guys will think you are smothering them.

This made think of what her real problem may be, giving too much too fast. This is something that both men and women have to deal with. I responded with…

….I feel that a relationship has to do with give and take. You’re saying that you are doing a lot of giving and the fellas aren’t appreciating it. I could see that happening if you give too much too fast. A person will not feel anything for something that they didn’t work for. You got to let them work for that inch before you give them that mile.

The next obvious question is… “So Rey, how do you do that?” That’s a good question. I’m happy you asked. I can answer that with the phrase, “Face value don’t mean sh*t in my house.” I’ll explain with this example. A gold dollar coin is nothing more than a shiny yellow metal (not gold). It’s supposed to be a dollar’s worth of gold but it worthless. When you see it (brand new) it’s very attractive but with further investigation (maybe some research) you’ll find that it’s not what it seems. What I’m trying to say with this long winded metaphor is that when you meet someone new shouldn’t put so much value in them unless you’ve verified that they are the “glittery gold” that you seek. Until then, give an inch here and there and save the mile* until you know that they have committed to being with you.

*That “mile” could represent anything. I think of it as emotional investment, but to you it could be sex, drugs, or alcohol. You have to define that for yourself.

A wise once told me this metaphor that describes the early to middle stages of a relationship.

“When you first meet someone they are like a painting, each color represents the characteristics of the person. The painting is real, the colors are real. When interacting with this new person each of us carry a paint brush and a paint bucket with all the colors we can imagine. What we do is take the paint brush and paint over the painting to make ourselves see what we want to see. [Read more →]