The Graduate

A wise once told me this metaphor that describes the early to middle stages of a relationship.

“When you first meet someone they are like a painting, each color represents the characteristics of the person. The painting is real, the colors are real. When interacting with this new person each of us carry a paint brush and a paint bucket with all the colors we can imagine. What we do is take the paint brush and paint over the painting to make ourselves see what we want to see. We don’t see what is real. As time continues the paint that we added begins to peal, revealing what we have hid. We then begin to see the painting for what it is. This is a crucial part of how you see the picture. We could only hope that the paint that we added is not so different from the original painting.”

It’s a tough time when the paint begins to peal that’s when the arguments and misunderstandings begin. I know this too well. I know that most arguments are results of bad communication. So instead of chalking it up to “we just don’t get along” or “we are not compatible” I did a Google search on “constant arguing” to see if I can find ways to solve the problem. The first result was a forum discussion of someone asking for advice on the constant arguing between her and her bf. She says that they constantly argue over small issues that make no sense. I read most of the comments but one really stood out to me.

“… In my experience, constant arguing results due to unresolved conflicts sometime before in your relationship. There are underlying issues that bother you both, causing tension, frustration, anger, and resentment. You need to make sure those roads of communication are open and flowing, otherwise one of you are going to get to the point where you are too emotionally drained to continue. At that point, one of you might be happy, and the other just snaps. Would you rather be right, or be happy? Ask yourself that question every time a argument starts. Read some communication books, and marvel at the positive effects it has on your relationship!”

The line the really hit was “There are underlying issues that bother you both, causing tension, frustration, anger, and resentment.”

So the question remains what do you do in this situation. I decided to follow this persons advise and did another Google search on “communication skills in a relationship”. The first result was a site that had a communication test on it. I took the test and found that I score a 76 out of 100 on the Insightfulness scale. Here is what that means:

pros
-adept at interpreting other people’s words and actions and seeing things from their perspective
-realize that empathy is an essential part of good interpersonal skills
-will do your best to place yourself in other people’s shoes in order to better understand them
-can sense what others are thinking and will likely adjust your behavior accordingly if a person you’re conversing with seems confused or perhaps uncomfortable
cons
- occasional times when you pay more attention to the message you’re sending rather than how it’s received
- rare misunderstanding may occur

I think this is a start. I know what I’m good at and the things I need to improve on. Hopefully I could use this information to my advantage.

Oh, before I forget, please comment. I'd like to know your thoughts.

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